This is a bunch of us. Notice we are family friendly and do not feed small children to the munchkin-monster like some sides do.
THE SQUIRE No. 1!
This is our summoner of the Clockwork Deities Squire Allen Spode. He's the bloke in charge.
He is fond of Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc and responds well to offers of it. He does not drink beer therefore he is probably not a real Morris dancer.
Here he looks glum because someone has hidden his glass.
Here is Sir Windsor Fyne-Dyner social secretary for RavensMorris.
He is sophisticated, witty, charming and lives in a gorgeous old house. He is generous with wine. We love Sir Windsor. He is known to behave rakishly if provoked. (He is known to behave rakishly anyway, to be honest.)
Sergeant Archibald Ballcock-Gubbins of the King's Royal Ball Bearers.
A tough nut to crack, Sergeant Archibald will steam into you with his mighty weapon if provoked. He has no fear of the Morris police who watch for random stick waving, and laughs in the faces of those who do-se-do left.
Hail Ballcock! Carrier of banners! Maverick man!
If it comes to war he'll be in the front...or in his favourite sunny spot in the garden with a glass of sauvignon blanc.
She is our resident poet. She can rhyme anything with anything (except orange) and is known for her secret recipes which are too secret even to hint at here.
As you can see, her steampunk identity can only be, yes that's right: Lady Muffiny Crouche of Crouche End. Obvious really. She even has her very own page of creative wordsmithing tucked away on this website.
This cool looking chap above makes a very loud noise with a sax, or a cornet. But not a Cornetto (tho' he has certainly tried).
He is a real musician. In the Steampunk world this maestro of brass is better known to many as that cunning old stoat Sir Jasper Essbend, dance master, house maker. Is there nothing he can't do?
Mystical, magical, his Morris powers are second to none.
A mighty Morrisy, Raveny round of
applause for the
Master of Jiggery-
Pokery… YES! It is:
The Count of Scarboro' Seafront, Sir S. Sorbet Staffbender!
Step forward, goggle-bearer-wearer person of majesty.
For she is MIGHTY. Bow, supplicant, before Her Royal Coolness Grandelina P'shaw of House P'shaw !
Practice the special greeting: P'shaw, P'shaw! and forget not to waggle thy elbows. She will be eager to meet you.
Here is the DUCHESS.
You don't want to tangle with the Duchess. Or her dogs.
Especially if you're a cat I guess.
Please her with Frenchiness! Say salut! Offer a granary baton. These things will stand you in good stead for striking up a conversation
BEWARE! The Raven-Vermin of DOOM!
They will hurt you.
Miss Morticia Mangle and Master Monk Mallet-Masher await your submission.
By Appointment, Biographer to the Ravens Morris Family, Lady Wilhelmina Wilkinson-Smythe.
Deadly with the Pounding Staff of Many Bottle-Tops aye, and YE RAVENNY DRUM too!
Poster boy of Ravens Morris.
Still he keeps the Giant Steampunk Cat at bay!
Strong are his knees.
Missing in Action. Eager fans await return. No. 1
LAST SEEN: Shiptonthorpe, on a a bench
Miss Opiate Hoist-Harness is a storyteller and will talk for many hours on the hidden narratives within the dance steps. She is wise. Opiate also responds positively to offers of wine and is less fussy than some here.
She is also known for her impersonations of 80s boy band singers. Ask her.
Missing in Action. Eager fans await return. No. 2:
LAST SEEN: on a farm near Hornsea.
Virtuoso violinist Dorothea Smallholding likes travelling. Especially to and from distant reaches of Hull and beyond.
Is there anything beyond?
Only the sea...
Keep away from the water Dorothea!
Lady Miffie Lancaster, of Hatfield.
The Squire No. 2!
She knows all dances and is so confident that she's moved to being a musician too. Ask about the strange steampunk dolls she makes if you want to be charming.
You will also win approval if you offer Sauvignon Blanc. Again.
The indefatigable Foreman-woman, bag-woman-leader Flossy Go-Lightly is known for her control of clockwork beings and powers over inanimate objects such as sticks.
Watch her leap! See her bound! Admire her ability to keep laughing while chewing a rope!
We love our Flossy. Go talk to her and you will too.
She is spoken of in steampunk legend as the indomitable Lady of Shallots: Bob Bon La Bamba. She is a perfectionist. She is also the only one who can tame the Wild Sergeant Archie Ballcock-Gubbins.
Nothing defeats Bon Bon La Bamba!
Watch her fancy footwork!
Now Sing! Yes! Sing the hymn to La Bamba.
It goes like this: LalalalalaBamba! dumdedum lalalalalaBamba! dumdedum.
Melliflua, aka Rach The Clog is a Real Morris Dancer.
If she invites you to join her for a really friendly, smiley, gentle dance - do not!
This is because she will hurl you around, laughing maniacally, then speed off into some complex twisty, turning express move and you will be left standing like a lemon. She will not understand why you curl into a ball on the floor when she returns, but she will be very nice to you. Then she'll do it all over again.
Talk to her about cats' tails instead. She knows lots about that.
Behold our Miss Cordelia Threadneedle, Mistress of - aye 'tis true - needles, thread and cottony quilts.
She it is to whom ye speak for all things bookings. Be very polite and begin with 'Hail Miss Cordelia'. Things will go better after that.
The sharp eyed will notice she is also the mistress of the ancient art of Morris camouflage. Crikey!
Felicity Fearless, Mistress of Heels!
Wondrous is her dancing! Mighty her high heeled Morris!
Greet Felicity Fearless with warmth. She might just be the loveliest person in the universe.
Find out! Come and say hi. Talk about house building with her. She's really interested in that. Still.
Look! Over there! With her mighty RAVEN FLAG.
It's our tame kung fu assassin sharpshooting cat's head Morris chick known only as (gulp!) Shadowfall Nightshade!
Or Shadefall Shadownight!
Or some other double noun variant.
Don't try the old 'want a glass of vino' greeting with this one. Likelihood is she'll flatten you with a triple boulder kick. Grrr.
Time travel by steam is her secret.
Trains, things which puff out steam, clockwork gromits, one touch of these with her mighty Docs and they transport her!
ZOOM! Like her dancing!
It's the charming, the cheery, the travellin' girl Miss Cecelia Chin-chin Chaboogey!
Bold warrior, we see your call to up-sticks and highstep to the beat.
This is Marshall 'Bellowgauge' Hardwicky of Hardwicky Hall.
Yes...THE Marshall 'Bellowgauge' etc etc.
Bearer of Beast Brian, Hoister of Raggety Locks , his Hulk-like strength makes him formidable .
Where's the Beast, Marshall? Aha... tis BELOW....:
The Beast Brian trying to charm Lady Miffie Lancaster.
We see inside your head, monster!
"It was this big, honest!"
Recounting her admiration at the biggest one she had ever seen, Professor Ms
Penelope Peryo Dyk-Taibell continues her lecture on test tube sizes.
Hittin' the beat, our amazing Professor P., is also mistress of reverse double steps and hanky-wavers' mysteries.
Keep away from the dark side, Penelope!
Cunningly disguised in WHITE is Our Lady From Beyond , the delver into ancient archaeological secrets, the Indiana Jones of North Yorkshire...
Ms Scarlett Sprockitt-Biter! Investigator!
Her veil hides her identity. Pretty darned clever, eh?
Here seen bowing her head before to check out the volume of Sauvignon Blanc remaining in the pot is the lovely
Blanche Beauregard of Dinburyshire.
Don't spill any Blanche!
Lost in Action. Sad fans hope for guest reappearance.
LAST SEEN: Amsterdam.
Come back! The UK was only joking about the whole Brexit thing!
This is Dr Polly Glott-Hyfen
who speaks EVERY language in the world including the secret Morris tongues above.
Speak to her in Orc! Talk with her in Semi-Stick! Have a cuppa with her. She has also introduced us to interesting German wines which are NOT Sauvignon Blancs. We love Doc Polly. Bring her back!